fall rush, 2026

My son is a baby frat boy.

The term was coined by my friend Liz, who saw him wearing a cute plaid collared shirt with khaki cargo shorts and a wide, who-wouldn't-love-this? grin. At first I was offended, but the more I observe, the more accurate I think the description is.

Yesterday, we went to a birthday party for one of Claire's friends. I'd put Gage in a cute but kind of girly-looking seersucker outfit. He grumbled about it, but I insisted to him that he looked adorable. Then he found the one guaranteed way out of a sissy boy outfit: he crapped all over it. With the costume change, we were back to the wrinkled button-down shirt and grey shorts.

When we arrived at the party, Gage quickly located his new girlfriend. She was thin. She was blonde. She was adorable. He kept flirting with her, throwing gummy smiles and boyish glances her way, while trying not to try too hard. The next thing I know, he's sitting on her lap, gnawing on her elbow and she's gently rubbing his back telling him what a good boy he is.

Eventually he got handed back to me, but not without first making a pass at his new girlfriend's chest. I fed him a nice leisurely meal of milk and then put him on my shoulder.

He burped. No, babies burp. He belched, in the way that beer-guzzling, football-watching, pizza-eating men belch. It was loud and gross.

And then he smiled and looked around to see if anyone had appreciated it. He got a "That was a good one, buddy!" from someone, and you could see the sutures in his baby skull widen just a bit to accommodate his enormous head.

Comments

[Patti_Mayo]

"Then he found the one guaranteed way out of a sissy boy outfit: he crapped all over it."

OMG...that was hysterical. I really must stop drinking my coffee, water etc at the computer because I almost covered my monitor.

My son thinkgs he's grown as well: he scratches his butt like a grown man and always has his hand on his winky.

[Jamie]

Toga, toga, toga!

Go Gage! He sounds like quite the ladies man AND a guys' guy. The perfect combo. Watch out mama. ;)

[Kim Lenhart]

You know, don't waste your brain on a "real" job...you need to write chick lit!! You are so f***ing funny!