« dreams realized | Main | stick a fork in me »

Comments

Jamie

Great topic! I'm pondering this one. My mother reads my blog so I need to steer clear of any spicy "firsts." ;)

Mrs. Flinger

WOOOOT! I'm glad you ran with it. Going to write and post latah. (Of COURSE I'm still here. For WW at least!)

Jamie

I did it! I started to write about my first post-college apartment but went in a totally different direction.

http://blondemomblog.com/2006/10/11/babys-first-car-ride/

Texasbelle

i joined ya'll for the first time.

Texasbelle

Flinger and Sitting Still came up with this notion of Writing Wednesdays and today's topic is firsts. As you know,I'm so hormonal I thought I'd skip the first kiss or first boyfriend and go right to first sexual experience. Don't get all excited, it wasn't anything to crow about.

I met this guy, James, while living in a scrofulous, prostitute-ridden apartment complex, on Congress Ave in Austin, Texas. For those of you who don't know, Congress is the main street that leads straight to the capital building. When not in school or working, I used to like sitting outside our tiny one bedroom apartment greeting the various hookers, freaks, and college students who lived there and one dark night I met James as he walked past.

He was beautiful to me as an older guy (I was 19, he 29), artist (a brilliant political cartoonist), intelligent, and goddamn funny in that luminous kind of a way that always seems to hit young girls square between the eyes.He had friends in the complex my eyes constantly scoured the parking lot, looking for his telltale little blue truck. Did we ever go out on a date? Not a one. Did he ever call me? Um, maybe once. or twice. I thought I had learned quite a bit about him, his family, and his aspirations. He was the most outspoken political-minded individual I had met and all those passionate liberal democrat beliefs had me completely on board, if only so I could listen to him, to be close to him.

At 19, I didn't know anything about anything. Does anyone? Then the make-out sessions started. They. Were. Exhilarating. We'd stop just short of actual sex and he'd leave me there with whisker burns on my cheeks and flushing all the way down to my curled toes. The problem, as Cecily would attest, is that whatever we were doing was never in any kind of official category. While I fell deeper and deeper beneath his slacker spell, he never felt the same for me. My heart would break a little every time he visited his friends without stopping by to see me. Sadly, this happened a lot. I would make crazy college-girl posters and leave them under his windshield, I wrote lovesick poems and mailed them to his house, I pined and pined and pined for him and talked about him only in the most glowing of terms. My big brother, upon hearing about the age discrepancy cracked, "Doesn't it tell you something that he can't find anyone to date closer to his own age?" Of course it didn't.

One night prior to another big session, he told me the story of his first true love, how she moved to Europe after highschool and when he flew over to visit her, how she wound up introducing James to her new boyfriend. I should have taken that gimme. He was handing me a warning flag to demonstrate there was no way he could ever love me since his heart already belonged to someone else, but as a kid, I held on to hope.

Eventually, he wound up dropping by one evening while my roommate/best friend Cecily was out. I think she was at a movie with her boyfriend and the apartment was ours. We started necking on the dirty old couch, and eventually wound up in my dirty little twin bed. At the time I had made up my mind to relinquish my virginity. I remember saying to him, "James, I don't want to get pregnant." just as I remember his soft drawl, "Oh honey, I only want you to feel me." And we were off to premarital sex land with absolutely no condom. In my overzealous childish idiocy, I let this man talk me out of it. The act itself was over in less than five minutes. I recall thinking, somewhat dazed, "Wow. So that's it." As he pulled his drawers back on, he glanced over to me and said, "Oh Baby, I didn't know you were a virgin." Then he hugged me and left and I wandered over to the only friends I knew in the complex. They listened to the story, heated up some tea, and made sure I was emotionally all right, and to be honest, I was fine. I had just had sex! Wow. And unsafe sex at that. It didn't phase me that there had been no snuggling or even sensitivity afterwards because I felt mildly triumphant. One of the big landmarks into adulthood was officially taken care of. See?!

I look back at that first encounter and grimace with embarrassment for the girl. Months later I was released from the James-Zone when he dumped me and thank GOD. He had done me the biggest favor although God knows I didn't see it through my bitter tears at the time. The whole debacle was only a stepping stone in a long line of flagstone. Yes, it sucked ass. I didn't get what I wanted from this man that I so desperately loved, but he was a necessary step towards the life I lead now. If it weren't for James, I probably would never wound up working at the bar I met Shan nor wound up married and blessed with two lovely little girls.

And last I heard, James had gotten a divorce and was struggling at work, so ha ha and ha.

Bree

Ok, I decided to join this week..here is my link.. http://buhtafly.blogs.com/buhtaflywings/2006/10/the_first.html

its about going to my first halloween party and having the unexpected happen. Quite scary to think about to this day. Thanks for the topic this week! (even though I am a few days late..hehe)

The comments to this entry are closed.

Also Writing At:

  • Visit Being Savvy Online
  • Button160x60

Love This!

On the Nightstand

Blog powered by Typepad

Wists!